he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How drunk are you?
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