I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
