Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
