Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
