I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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