foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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