Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
