you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
