I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Enjoy the penises
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
