I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
