I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
