why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
