do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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