i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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