I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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