you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
