Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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