i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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