Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
