i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
