the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
