I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize