i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need a shit load of segways right now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
