so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
