Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
