I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
