Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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