I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
In other news, I just burned my penis
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize