Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
