I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
