My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
