We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm at about main and main street
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
