I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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