The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Someone signed my nipple.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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