I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
