Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize