He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
