some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
