i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
