My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
