I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
