you have to choose: penises or morals?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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