so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
