At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
