Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize