Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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