Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
