If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
