Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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