Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
