I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
