Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
