how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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