I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
