Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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