Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
