I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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