It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
