she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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