I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
