he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
