I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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