why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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