Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize