I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
