my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I did not marry a roomba.
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