How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
