Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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