I just cut my nipple shaving
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
