I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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