Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
