Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
