i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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