Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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