i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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