there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
