Just fell off a train. Bad.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
