well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
