I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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