Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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