I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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