Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
