I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
