worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
