P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
