you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
