dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
should my penis look like a turkey
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
