dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
