Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize