Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
