My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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