I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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